safe = finally

I'm in Portland.  And there is too much snow.

Done.

*Jaiqu

need = more

You know what we need more?  People to preach [and teach] the Truth.  It saddens me deeply how many pastors are doctrinally confused and don't even know what the truth is.  Have you read the whole Bible?  More importantly, did you understand any of it?  How many times in church have you heard a pastor say 'I don't really understand this, but what I think is...'.  Yeah...that needs to stop.  We, who claim to be Christians, need to have a passion for the Word of God.  In Jeremiah 35:15 God says "I have also sent to you all My servants the prophets, rising up early and sending them." God Almighty, through time and space, has worked diligently to prepare scripture for your edification and not to deceive you (2 Timothy 3:16-4:3).  If God has spoken through the Bible, and in Him is ALL Truth; then shouldn't we be passionate about KNOWING what He says to us!  I say all of this as an aside.  What I really want you to hear is what Jesus says in John 8:31-58 (read it all, I will be focusing on verses 42-47).

First, look at John 8:31.  Who is Jesus talking to?  "To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said...".  This passage is for everyone who claims to believe the words and works of Jesus.  It is going to draw a strong distinction between true believers and those who are deceived.  This applies to you!  Listen closely and take heed to Philippians 2:12-13 and 2 Corinthians 13:5.  Search the scripture and gain confidence in your salvation (for if you have it, you will never lose it) or learn what you must do to be saved (which is really no work at all since "it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure").

What does Jesus tell them?  "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).  Jesus is talking about the gospel, the good news.  You are a sinner and a slave to sin ("I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin" John 8:34), but God can free you from that slavery and forgive you of your sins ("if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." 8:36).  He is talking about salvation.  Shouldn't what the Savior, Jesus Christ, says about salvation be paramount in your search for truth!

Read through to verse 42 where Jesus says to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here."  So what is the necessary condition for salvation in this verse?  That God is your Father.  Is anyone able to choose their father, or are we born of our fathers?  You did not choose God to be your Father, God adopted you, by His choice, to be His son (John 15:16).  We are going to come back to it, but look ahead to verse 47, "He who belongs to God hears what God says."  Does this sound like you chose God?  Or did He buy you at the price of His son?

At this point, you may be defensive.  This is probably not the good news that you learned as a child.  You probably learned that God has given us a gift to be accepted or rejected by our free choice.  Look what Jesus says in verse 43, "Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say."  Jesus does not tell them that they have rejected Him (verse 31 says that they believed Jesus...so in a sense they had accepted and not rejected Him), instead He tells them that they are INCAPABLE of understanding Him.  So if you are infuriated with what I am writing and refuse to accept the testimony of scripture, all glory be to God, He has closed your ears so that you would not understand and repent (Mark 4:11-12).

Do you think I am being severe?  Look at what Jesus says next in verse 44, "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire."  This is Jesus Christ, God incarnate, speaking.  He is speaking to everyone who claims with their mouths to believe in Him but with their works prove that they hate Him (there is no middle ground, if you are not living for Christ, you are in rebellion against Him.  Matthew 12:30).  This may be you.  Do you know?

Continue on to the end of verse 44 through verse 45, "When [the devil] lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lie.  Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me!"  There are so many people out there seeking to deceive and they weave strange doctrines to attract the unwary passerby.  And so many people fall victim to these deceivers because they are children of the devil (according to Jesus) and prefer a lie to the truth.  How sad and appalling is this truth which is abundantly evident in this day and age!  Be like the Bereans and search out the scripture to see if what you have been taught is true (Acts 17:11).  Be diligent and do not be deceived by false gospels, for they are really no gospel at all (Galatians 1:6-8).  Examine my words also and see that they line up with what God says is true.  I seek to only speak what God has first spoken in His Word.

Now let's revisit verse 47, but first take a look at Romans 10:14, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?"  Now let's apply this to what Jesus says in verse 47, "He who belongs to God hears what God says.  The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."  Let me quickly say as an aside that when He says 'hear' it should be taken to mean 'understood' (which agrees with the meaning of the word in Greek).  He is not talking about audibly hearing God, but understanding what God has spoken through Jesus Christ and through His prophets in the scriptures.  Back to the verses; Jesus is saying that only those who belong to God understand the gospel. Paul adds to this by saying that no one believes in Jesus Christ nor calls on His name unless they understand the gospel.  And Paul firmly believes in the implication here; that no one comes to salvation unless God has chosen them and caused them to hear, to understand, to believe and finally to call upon Jesus Christ.  Look at the flip side as well...if someone does not believe the gospel which is preaching rightly, it is because they do not belong to God and He has not made them spiritually alive (as in Mark 4:12, "Seeing they may see and not perceive,And hearing they may hear and not understand").  God not only authored the plan of salvation, He authored YOUR salvation (if you are saved).  Meditate on that.

Another implication of verse 47 is that if God has saved you, then He will also grant you the ability to understand scripture (not that you will understand it completely at first, but that you will finally be able to understand it).  This is echoed in 1 Corinthians 2:12-14 which says that we have received "the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand." So if the Bible makes no sense to you, examine your salvation.  If reading the Bible is a burden and never a delight, examine your salvation.  Hopefully, there is just something God needs to correct you on first, or else are you truly saved?  I read the Bible at least two times through before God finally enabled me to understand it.  I believe that I was not saved during that time (which is why I got only base facts, without meaning or substance, from reading scripture), but now am (and how glorious it is to finally be able to understand the rich mystery of salvation by God's power).  And as God sanctifies me I understand more, by Him.

If you have questions, leave a comment or email me at mersayochan [at] gmail [dot] com.

I pray that God will use this to encourage and challenge you.  If it is God's will, He will use this to rebuke you.  In that case I pray that He will also grant you repentance that you may be saved.  Praise God.  Done.

*Jaiqu

look = new

So I replaced my 'shmaybe interesting' list in the sidebar with my 'what Jaiqu reads' list. I keep up to date on all the blogs listed thanks to Google Reader. Don't use it? You must. It's quite fantastic. I'm in the library right now...just finished my take home final. It's really messy so I think I'm going to reprint it and copy my answers over to the new exam. Yay for free printing in the CSL. Do you use Skype? Call me then. [square brackets are the new parentheses.] Done.

*Jaiqu

WikiDino = alive

WikiDino lives.  In other news; my hair is shorter again.  In other news; I am almost done with this quarter...just have to survive finals.  In other news; I am going insane.  In other news; I have been facebooking more often than usual...an unhealthy habit in the least.  In other news; OpenGL is more awesome than I originally thought.  In other news;...ok I think that's enough.  Done.

*Jaiqu

opengl = mrarg

I'm currently working on adding an OpenGL compatibility mode to my game (because Java2D fails miserably at rendering lots of big polygons at once, and OpenGL pwns awestastically at rendering lots of big polygons at once).  I am also learning Lojban, a synthetic, theoretically unambigious, spoken language.  I can already say some simple things:

mi'e djeikus. [mEheh jAkoos]

My name is Jaiqu

OR

mi'e djuanatan. [mEheh jahnatan]

My name is Jonathan

mi nelci lo gerku [mE nelshE lo gerkoo]

I like dogs

OR

mi nelci le mi gerku [mE neshE leh mE gerkoo]

I like my dog

And that's what I did this giving of thanks day.  You?  Done.

*Jaiqu

problem = pride

I woke up this morning terribly early (10am) and couldn't fall back asleep because my back was tweaked out and in severe pain.  As I was convicted, I got up and snagged my Bible from my shelf and sat up in bed to continue reading where I had left off the night before.  I read the following in Isaiah 46:3-4;

"Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,

And all the remnant of the house of Israel,

Who have been upheld by Me from birth,

Who have been carried from the womb:

Even to your old age, I am He,

And even to gray hairs I will carry you!

I have made, and I will bear;

Even I will carry, and will deliver you."

God is speaking to the people of Israel by the Holy Spirit through the prophet Isaiah.  He is reminding them that He created them and has sustained them so far.  Yet the nation of Israel was turning to idols for help.  Paul addresses the same thing in Galatians 3:3 when he asks the churches of Galatia; "Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?"  The LORD is stating the same thing through both Paul and Isaiah; we were created and have been begun (both physically and spiritually) by God's power and grace, yet in our pride we think to depend not on Him but on ourselves.

I am thoroughly convinced that there exists only one sin, pride, because it is the very expression of our abandonment of God to pursue our own means.  The Bible is full of examples of arrogant people who are humbled by the Most High God.  I am also convinced that you and I do not realize the full extent of our pride, of our sinfulness.  We do not yet fully believe that God both can and will provide for us.  Instead we still foolishly believe that we can provide for ourselves.  How foolish we are!  Jesus tells us in John 15:5 that "without Me you can do nothing."  Are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we can not see the plain truth of what He is saying here?  I am constantly faced with my pride and humbled by my sinfulness.  I pray that you will be too.

As you know from the book review I posted a while ago, my Dad wrote a book titled "If God Disappears."  I happened upon another review of my father's book and the reviewer's opinion sparked my interest so I starting reading through his other postings and came across a post entitled "We Are Not Controlled by the Spirit."  The following quote is from that post; "We are always given the freedom to judge and to control ourselves.  This could sound like self effort.  It is not.  But it is self governance and self determination.  When we choose to follow Christ, He gives us the ability to obey Him and will direct us in His plan for our lives.  But until we ask, He does not give it."

That is self effort.  The blog I mentioned is only an example, a sign, of all the people around the world who believe this same doctrine; that of self salvation.  Notice that his quote does not mention at all the power of God's grace or the work of Christ.  Instead it is focused inward, on his own abilities.   Indeed it is self reliance.  So many are deceived into believing that Jesus Christ is merely a tool.  How wrong they are!

Earlier in Isaiah he recounts the boastings of Sennacherib king of Assyria against Israel and against the Holy One of Israel.  He recounts God's rebuke of Sennacherib in 37:26-29;

 

"Did you not hear long ago

How I made it,

From ancient times that I formed it?

Now I have brought it to pass,

That you should be

For crushing fortified cities into heaps of ruins.

Therefore their inhabitants had little power;

They were dismayed and confounded;

They were as the grass of the field

And the green herb,

As the grass on the housetops

And grain blighted before it is grown.

"But I know your dwelling place,

Your going out and your coming in,

And your rage against Me.

Because your rage against Me and your tumult

Have come up to My ears,

Therefore I will put My hook in your nose

And My bridle in your lips,

And I will turn you back

By the way which you came."

This is just one passage that magnifies God's sovereignty.  He appointed the king of Assyria from ancient times (i.e. before the beginning of time) to destroy many wicked nations yet punished the king for his pride against the Almighty God.  God punished him because he did not comprehend that he was merely a tool.  Instead the king was so presumptuous as to think that he had the divine mandate to destroy Israel and that God was merely a tool to use and discard. 

Yet this is how so many people live.  They proclaim themselves to be Christians yet believe in the doctrine of self salvation.  They believe that their choice, and not God's choice, saved them.  They believe that by their own power they choose God, even though the Bible clearly says in Psalm 14:2-3 that;

"The Lord looks down from heaven upon the children of men,

To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.

They have all turned aside.

They have together become corrupt;

There is none who does good,

No, not one."

No one seeks God by their own choice, by their own power.  Jesus tells the Jews in John 6:44 that  "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day."  It is clear.  I am not saved because I chose God.  I am saved because God knew me intimately, chose me and then created me (Psalm 139).  God made me alive and drew me to himself.  I was once dead in my trespasses, I knew only sin.  Now I am alive and I glorify God because of my salvation.  My pride wants to have me believe that I contributed to my salvation, but the Bible is clear; God receives all the glory for my salvation.

My flesh tempts me toward 'self governance and self determination' but God directs me towards submission to Christ and dependence on Him for all things.  There is no room for my pride in that.  Instead I should be glorifying God in all things.  Fortunately God has promised that He will conform me to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29) so even in my failure, my prideful sin, I can praise God for I know that what He promises He will also accomplish.  I am unbearably prideful against God, yet God is full of mercy and grace.  I am still alive today because of the grace of God.  I am still alive today because God has sustained me every day of my life.  I am still alive today because God chose me before the foundation of the world to be His.  I will live on by the sustaining power of God's grace in my life until it is God's will that I return home to Him.  Praise God!

I add as a last word, to be clear and to not deceive, that we should strive to obey God, by God, as an act of worship toward God.  2 John 6 makes it clear that obeying God is done out of our love for God.  God gets glory both from our obedience and from correcting and forgiving us when we disobey.  But Paul repeatedly points out in the New Testament that we should not abuse our freedom in Christ.  Instead our salvation should motivate us toward a Christ centered life.  Done.

*Jaiqu

google = omnipotent?

So apparently Google already owns me.  There is a micro blogging service called Jaiku (pronounced correctly) which Google acquired.  Yes, I had to check to make sure they got the pronunciation correct; it's jA-koo.  Creepy.  I finished the beta version of the level editor for my game.  I hope to post a tutorial / feature brag in the "near future."  ETA: sometime.  Life keeps on moving forward.  Half way through the quarter...so what's that, an eighth?  Meh.  Constant tiredness degrades my mental state, but don't worry it's not depression just lack of sleep.  Finally talked to an advisor...and constantly considering a double major...though not really motivated enough to take on all that extra work.  Software Engineering is treating me well enough.  An internship or study-abroad in Germany is really tempting though...and as long as it doesn't cost a couple limbs I might actually do it next summer.  Or I could apply for an internship with Google...since they already own me.  Done.

*Jaiqu

pb = reeses

I have sitting on my desk right now a moderately sized jar of creamy Reese's peanut butter.  It serves as great programming fuel (necessary for long stretches of homework).  Talked to my sister today (on the phone).  Always good to catch up with family...I am never good about keeping in contact with everyone.  People need to call me more often because I just forgot.  Da well.  This morning smelled like Christmas.  Yayz.  Still need to figure out when I will be available to visit P-town.  It's on my TODO list.  Homework is tying me down on the weekends, but I somehow seem to be staving off my inevitable drowning in work.  Done.

*Jaiqu

mind = drifting

As the music streams into my head my mind sets off drifting.  Nowhere to go but refusing to stand still it settles deeper into the mire of my subconscious.  My body so tired, so worn that it no longer knows how to move just gives in to the rapid pulse of neurons.  I subside.

Confusion: Repeat

Sometimes all things fade
When you finally forget
Alone I can't be.

Dreams are to be held
Not higher, but beneath Him;
We are but nothing.

All water flows down,
But pure it will return hence;
All to flow again.

Where, to be what is;
Answers for questions unasked,
Ponder everything.

Can I find myself,
Where I found myself before…
Never truly lost.

~haikus from "A Drifter Mind" by mersayochan.  Done.

*Jaiqu

review = igd9fwawtdat

Today I embark on a new adventure; specifically that of writing a book review.  And to top things off, the book I am reviewing is IGD9FWAWTDAT (or more commonly referred to as "If God Disappears - 9 Faith Wreckers & What To Do About Them").  Now to address the issue right away, yes I am the son of the famous author, David Sanford, who happens coincidentally to be the author of the book I am reviewing.  I assure you though that my review is not biased at all because of my affiliation with THE AUTHOR (unnecessary emphasis perhaps, but I am seizing the opportunity to exaggerate, as will be explained further farther down in this review).  

Let me argue why my review is not biased.  First of all I despise non-fiction and my father specifically works in Christian non-fiction.  Do not construe this to mean that I have any hard feelings against my father...I love him very much.  But I am somewhat detracted from the illusion non-fiction supports.  This comes from my deep-seated belief (and so by no means correct) that fiction is a much better conveyor of truth than non-fiction.  That is, non-fiction claims to be truth (that is what non-fiction means right?) but really is mere opinion whereas fiction does not make any truth claims, but at its root tries to convey truth by allegory and example.  To illustrate, the non-fiction reader takes in content with a willingness to consume the viewpoint of the author, most of the time without actual digestion instead mostly just by absorption.  Whereas the fiction reader assumes that the content is non-edible and only upon finding similarities in the content to real food does he venture to further digest it.  The point here being that consumption of fiction elicits the active interpretation of the content where non-fiction allows the reader to passively take in the content.

Second, this is the first book my father has written that I have actually read the whole way through.  No offense Dad but I don't usually enjoy your writing style (most likely for reason one above).  That not being a major fault only a slight deterrent that invokes my procrastination and general laziness, allowing me to forever put off reading whatever it is he wrote.  So already this book must have some merit for me to have read it all the way through.   Truth be told, I think the problem is that my Dad sends me the initial revisions of his manuscripts where his thoughts aren't as coherent and haven't been conceptually edited yet.  I am proud to say that the final version of this book was significantly better than my initial perception of it.  This only goes to prove that you shouldn't judge a book by the premature fraction of it that you may happen upon and instead by the final version...starting in the beginning and working toward the end.  Good job Dad and make sure to thank your editor for me.

Am I harsh on my father?  I hope not.  Then again if I am attempting not to be biased I must not withhold my criticism.  My Dad asked me once to edit a portion of something for him...upon receiving it back it bled red.  He actually appreciated my thorough dismembering of his work, which shows his maturity as a writer; something that is apparent in his newest book...the one I am attempting to begin reviewing but have thus far only wasted time qualifying my utterly pointless opinion.  I give you permission to ignore me.

The book was good.

Now that I have expressed my amateur opinion in such a grossly simplified form I will now explain why it was good.  To begin, I actually enjoyed the writing style of If God Disappears and found myself wrapped up in my father's story telling even though I am already intimately knowledgeable with some, if not many, of his stories.  And to qualify my previous statement about allowing myself to exaggerate; my father is great at exaggerating when he tells stories.  This should not deter you from listening to his stories or even discredit the stories he tells.  He is not embellishing the facts, he is merely adding undue emphasis to accomplishments of the 'hero' or 'heroine' of his story.  For example, there is a story in the book about me constructing a satellite dish at a young age from a both hefty and dense instruction manual.  While the story is essentially true, he almost always neglects to mention that we never got the constructed satellite dish to work...it looked nice but eventually ended up in the dump.  So if he brags about me, it is most likely rooted in reality but exaggerated to a degree.

The other reason I like the writing style of If God Disappears is that it is well structured.  I could not make clear sense of the initial draft (one must read multiple chapters to fully appreciate the consistency in chapter structure which allows the reader to anticipate the flow of his arguments) and found his story telling excessive and useless.  But the book I have sitting next to me works. That is, his stories have purpose and are worked into the text in all the appropriate places.  Indeed I found myself reading through in anxious anticipation of the stories yet to come.  He created a beautiful template which he then successfully applied to each chapter.  This makes reading so much more enjoyable.

The content of the stories in If God Disappears is another reason I enjoyed the book.  The stories are applicable to the point he is trying to make and walk that fine line between real, believable stories and epic, memorable stories.  So many times non-fiction writers seek out those "truth is stranger than fiction" stories that, though they may be true, actually cast doubt into the readers mind as to the integrity of the writer.  On the other hand some non-fiction writers can not tell a good story to save their lives, even though it is entirely made up and ingeniously imaginative.  David (hm, I guess I can refer to him by name...) does well to draw his readers in while keeping his stories down to earth.  His transparency in the book comes out as genuine and reflects the truth of his life, which adds to the integrity of his message.

Finally his advice, that is-the moral of his stories, is sound (according to my limited ability to discern soundness) and resounds with what I believe as Christian and with my knowledge of the Word of God.  I do not always agree with my father and he has brought me up in a willingness to test my assumptions and beliefs without fear of the answers I will find.  So when we disagree theologically or otherwise, it's okay.  We don't have to all conform to the same mindset (though I am a big proponent of the idea that the Church should be unified, both in spirit and truth, and am saddened by the reality that confronts me here).  Though he uses some explicit scripture quotations, a careful analysis of his writing in this book will reveal many implicit scripture quotations (that is, he uses a phrase that is almost word for word from the Bible).  I am also a big proponent of the idea that our ideas, our opinions, our theology should be grounded in the truth of the Bible (the only truly non-fiction book) and so am greatly encouraged by the scriptural support of his teaching.

Mr. Sanford (mwa, I definitely don't usually refer to him as that) outlines nine faith wreckers in his book, but I would assert that there is only one faith wrecker (from a purely human perspective); an unwillingness to reevaluate our assumptions.  Any of the faith wreckers can be viewed as a variation on this theme.  We had a bad church experience so we assume that our view of 'those christians' reflects the Christ they claim to worship.  We have experienced horrible, traumatic events in our lives so we assume that God isn't there or doesn't love us.  We get lost in ritualistic religion, bewildered at God's apparent departure and assume that it must be something wrong with Christianity itself not with our misconstrued perception of what God desires.  These are just examples; in any crisis of faith it is essential to reevaluate our assumptions and reorient ourselves around what we know is true.  When I have found myself wandering away from my Savior and Lord I remind myself of all the times God has worked in my life for good.  I remind myself of what He declares in His Word.  Aren't we all so forgetful, like the Israelites under Moses, and in constant need of a reminder of the presence of the great I AM.  We get so caught up in our petty assumptions that we forget what we know is true.

I praise God that He has already used my Dad's words in so many peoples' lives.  I pray that God would continue to use my Dad's ministry to further His kingdom and strengthen His children.  I am proud of my father and I am so blessed that my Father is his Father, that we share a common devotion to the Most High God.  Done.

*Jaiqu

Are you now so completely enthralled with my description of the book that you want to buy it?  I thought so.  You can purchase it from Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/If-God-Disappears-Faith-Wreckers/dp/1414316178.  Questions or comments? You can email me at mersayochan at gmail dot com.

[EDIT:] You can read David's blog at ifgoddissappears.blogspot.com.

dead = false

I'm not dead...seriously.  So I apologize for not blogging in some time.  Life lately has been hectic and tiring as I am transitioning back into work and school.  Instead of waking up at noon I am now waking up at 7:30am.  A significant change.  I am excited for my AI (Artificial Intelligence) and philosophy classes.  It is remarkable the amount of overlap between those two, seemingly unrelated, fields.  I am currently eating pan-fried taquitos.  So Tuesday I ran into my friend Nicole in the library (I then ran into her again today...apparently they remodeled the whole second floor of the library and are in the rapid process of installing a coffee shop there) who was wearing a Companion Cube shirt which made me smile.  What, you haven't played Portal yet!?! SINNER!  Go do so now.  It's pretty much the most amazing game of the decade (it almost makes Portland rain look dreary...which is a previously undiscovered level of awesome considering my affinity to both Portland and rain).   Anyway, I am looking forward to the one year anniversary of the Orange Box when I will be able to download Portal: Prelude for free thanks to the French.  Done.

*Jaiqu

God = good

God is good.  All the time.  And all the time.  God is good.  So I finally started working today...YAYZ!  It was pretty awesome...after about an hour of getting my machine and everything to work I jumped right into tackling my first task.  I spent most of the first day actually working (which is not normal for your first day on a job).  I had forgotten how much I love biking.  Every time I bike I am compelled to praise God.  Truly nature speaks the wonders of His name.  Done.

*Jaiqu

So apparently I didn't slack off as much as I thought I did...I wrote this some time ago but never actually posted it.  Maybe because the distinct lack of linkage...da well.  I'm posting it now because you should never leave a written post to linger and die, no matter what it's deficiencies are.  Redone.

*Jaiqu

house = blessing

God has amazingly blessed me with an awesome house to live in these last two years as well as a godly family of believers to fellowship with.  As of today we have two new roommates who we are able to bless as Christ blesses them through us.  I am excited for this new school year and getting to know these brothers more.  For everyone who was wondering why I was up at eight this morning...I really woke up at 6am.  I helped out at the overflow shelter, which is a church-hosted women's shelter (and family shelter).  Each night two volunteers stay the night and make sure no uninvited visitors come in and that any unexpected situations are dealt with.  The 'clients' (so they are officially called) are wonderful women, children and husbands.  About 1am, as I was sitting out on shift, one of the elder women came out to smoke.  We got to talking and she told me about her former ministry with street kids and about all the miracles she had seen.  It was wonderful to see her give glory to God in all things and I rejoiced that I had found a sister in Christ (a mother really).  I am always encouraged by the testimonies of those who are saved.  I will probably share my testimony (how God has worked in and through my life) here soon.  God bless.  Done.

*Jaiqu

time = 8:19am

Well, technically, I am starting this blog post at 8:19am but will probably finish some time after that.  I am at Uptown Coffee drinking from a moderately sized cup (16oz) of house coffee.  Just finished catching up on my friend Michael's blog.  He and his family traveled cross-country from Portland, OR to Hillsboro, New Hampshire where he will be working (and living) at His Mansion.  Those of you who know me have been wondering, since you saw the title of this post, "WHY ARE YOU UP SO EARLY?" Because, for those of you who don't know, my natural sleep schedule (scientifically proven) is from 4am until noon.  Trust me...it's amazing...in fact I thought about requesting a 1pm-9pm work schedule just so I could keep my sleep schedule once I start work.  Which I will do eventually...I hope.  But while I am not getting paid to work, I am still working without pay.  That is, I am working on my game, which I described to one of our new roommates as "a full-time job you don't get paid for."  I have probably put in hundreds of hours this summer on my game and I am excited about the progress I see.  Praise God that I have had the time to undertake this huge project.  I am trying to get as much done as possible these last two weeks before school consumes my life.  Literally consumes my life.  BTW (er, by the way) for all of you who do not already use Google Reader, why don't you?  Go, start using it now...no really; it will help you keep track of all those blogs you fastidiously read. Done.

*Jaiqu

[Google lies...I posted this at 8:55am not 8:19am...which means I took, what, 36 minutes to write and link this post...yay I'm getting faster at blogging]

game site = up

Sorry I haven't blogged in multiple days...can I plug my game really quick? I just devoted a corner of my website to my up and coming game called "The Fantasy Game." You can check it out here, here, or HERE. No seriously, it's coming along GREAT. Fantastical in fact. I'm psyched and you should be too. In fact, it is already starting to raise some interest...which gets me amped. So if you want to be a beta tester...send me an email at fantasygame@reventionsoftware.com. Just think; beta tester equals get to play the game before it's even released. Yep it's that awesome. So what are you waiting for. Do it...do it NOW. And ps there is an even more awesomest internal website set up just for my radtacular alpha and beta testers. Need I say more. Done.

*Jaiqu

me = content

Today was a pretty amazing day. I woke up to a text message from my friend in Fresno telling me that she was in Pismo (which is about 10 miles away from where I live). I got a call from a friend in Portland and we had a good conversation via the cellular telephone. Christina, Luke and I hung out in the afternoon and played Frisbee in the ocean. Quite enjoyable. And I'm looking forward to playing cards tonight with my roommate John. So today was a lot of fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I got to go to farmer's market again. It's interesting how you can live so close to something so amazing, like the beach, like farmer's market, like the drive-in theater, and totally pass it by until someone comes to visit. Then it's all "WE HAVE TO GO" even though on any other occasion you wouldn't bother. Quite perplexing in fact. Hm. Started an open source project to develop a simple editor framework using Swing. It's coming along well I think. The level editor for my game will be built using my framework. Woot. Praise God. He is so good. And His love, surpasses all. Done.



*Jaiqu

hair = shorter

Finished watching the last of Lost season 4 today. I'm free. Big John is currently playing the guitar in our living room. Er, now he's not. I got a french press for my birthday...and let me tell you, it makes amazing coffee. And yes, I firmly believe that caffeinated black coffee is the only real coffee. Feel free to disagree. Completed the alpha for the game I'm developing (well the second alpha...but the first one was too buggy to even be called an alpha). Oh and I got my hair cut today...it is much shorter. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been this short in a good long time. There is leftover spaghetti sauce in the house fridge from last week. Chelsea told me that spaghetti sauce goes bad...which is news to me...but don't worry...this sauce is fine. I need to buy a new AC adapter for my computer...right now I have my laptop set up in the kitchen as that is where the only good outlet is for plugging in my cord. But of course...I'm going to keep procrastinating on buying a new one until it's too late. Da well. I am thinking about buying a new bike. There is a good one at Art's Cyclery. Done.

*Jaiqu

state = thinking

I used to spend hours, days, and more thinking and musing to myself. I was introverted, keeping myself company. Whether this was the cause or result of my depression is irrelevant. I stumbled upon an old poem that I wrote and I couldn't help posting it here. So sorry, no links, but I do wish to be serious from time to time. And I'm thinking again. And when I think, I need to write. How much time do we spend purposefully avoiding thinking? Da.

"How is this waking dream?
What nightmarish days.
An abstraction of distraction,
Utmost simple craze.

And if I could sleep
Or wake instead,
I’d find this yesterday
Unshaken inside my head

But tomorrow never comes,
Nor yesterday depart.
What can I give Fate,
To soothe my silent heart?

I wallow in the past yet
Yesterday is as today,
A silent procession of this;
Eternal nocturnal hate.

Come death, or life, yes.
I have no choice in this.
But what comes, come
And lead me to my bliss.

If I could sleep
Or wake instead
I, in utmost certainty,
I would find life dead."

-silence

Praise God that He has freed me from the bondage of sin and given my life purpose. Done.

*Jaiqu

church = edifying

I was late to church this morning. Good thing God doesn't count Jesus Points (tm) because I would have lost at least three or five or maybe even as much as eleven. I discovered today, what I thought would never be true, that I actually enjoy reading genealogies...well, when you know the stories behind the people listed. Once upon a time, when I was first learning to program in Java, I created the RF game engine and was intent on creating a game out of a friend's unpublished book. Well, I never finished the game, but the engine was 99% complete. Anyway, I am still working on my next game engine and this time I will finish the game. I hope. Done.

*Jaiqu

show = lost

I've watched six episodes of Lost already today...which means I watched half of season four and probably would have watched the whole season in one day if I hadn't slept in from watching the end of season three last night. Helped my housemate set up his new HP touchscreen computer (with the evil Vista nonetheless). Can I be serious? I used to struggle with depression and wrote some pretty dark poems at the time. Praise God that He saved me from that. I started a tech blog with my friend Chris Gibson called Tech Progression. Hopefully it will be a good place for debate over the present future of technology. Anyway, here is one of my long lost poems that I refound on an old blogging site.

"My body presses forward as my mind pulls
away from the world calling, seeking
for my death, my absolute undoing
is what I only dare to resist, I flee
from the darkness that tries hard
to consume the fire I have long
brought up out of ashes
which is the darkness
of my soul."
-mersayochan

Poetry? Meh. Done.

*Jaiqu

legs = tired

I really shouldn't neglect exercise. It's why I don't own a car. Because I am extremely lazy and given the option not to exercise, I won't. So biking today for, essentially, the first time in two months was...uncomfortable. Cal Poly is very empty...especially the fourth floor. For your information, chaos theory is actually quite...mathematical. But I do enjoy exercise...I find it is a great way to clear one's mind and an equally great way to start the morning (humbug to all those people who say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day). I am thirsty right now. And tired. And I can't believe that Cave Story has 4 boss battles in a row without save or replenishment. Unbelievable. Anyway, I'm going to go seek out the nearest watering hole. Done.

*Jaiqu

next = bike

My brake cable broke on my bike...the back brake cable at that. I got a new brake cable but apparently something in the tubing is clogged up and I can't thread the new cable through. While I can still get around with only my front brake (and admittedly have been for a while) I suddenly have pounced on this as an excuse to be lazy. Just posted to In Spirit and Truth with notes from a Bible study I led earlier this summer. Check it out. I need to buy toenail clippers. But that means actually using my bike and its windy. Da well. Done.

*Jaiqu

today = resignation

So I finally broke down and reformatted my hard drive...twice. It's a struggle. I know my computer is an idol and a stumbling block but I feel so...idle...without it. And idleness is a great purveyor of idolatry. So it's a lose-lose situation. Currently listening to Pandora which is either great background music or a distraction to coherent thought. While plugging great web 2.0 sites, check out the greatest IM client ever. I was thinking yesterday that I should put up some of my old poetry on this blog...so look forward to it...or don't. If I ever get another creative streak I may create some new original content...but for now 'new content' means building a new game engine...a process that takes way too long. Though to let my loyal readers in on a secret...I have been hard at work to develop a new, hopefully cool looking, 2D-side-scrolling-but-so-much-more game engine...which may turn out to be a complete flop. So now that my computer is running will I be online more...writing nonsense at XX words/min? meh...we'll see. Done.

*Jaiqu

now = hmm

Today has been a contemplative day as I decided whether or not to reapply for a job at CreateSpace, the company I previously worked for. As my computer is currently out of commission and I am unwilling to exert effort to fix it, I am creating a new blog (why not?) in honor of What A Swell Blog. The title of this blog comes from some of my favorite (perhaps fictional) words such as mrarg (for expressing anger or frustration), mro (for expressing sadness or empathy) and...pants? I am a fan of parentheses and ellipses. I use both liberally but intentionally. I am known to tangent and to use nouns as verbs or verbs as nouns. I am a meticulous editor with an appreciation for breaking the rules (for example not using ellipses for their stated use). I code. Done.

*Jaiqu