me = content

Today was a pretty amazing day. I woke up to a text message from my friend in Fresno telling me that she was in Pismo (which is about 10 miles away from where I live). I got a call from a friend in Portland and we had a good conversation via the cellular telephone. Christina, Luke and I hung out in the afternoon and played Frisbee in the ocean. Quite enjoyable. And I'm looking forward to playing cards tonight with my roommate John. So today was a lot of fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I got to go to farmer's market again. It's interesting how you can live so close to something so amazing, like the beach, like farmer's market, like the drive-in theater, and totally pass it by until someone comes to visit. Then it's all "WE HAVE TO GO" even though on any other occasion you wouldn't bother. Quite perplexing in fact. Hm. Started an open source project to develop a simple editor framework using Swing. It's coming along well I think. The level editor for my game will be built using my framework. Woot. Praise God. He is so good. And His love, surpasses all. Done.



*Jaiqu

hair = shorter

Finished watching the last of Lost season 4 today. I'm free. Big John is currently playing the guitar in our living room. Er, now he's not. I got a french press for my birthday...and let me tell you, it makes amazing coffee. And yes, I firmly believe that caffeinated black coffee is the only real coffee. Feel free to disagree. Completed the alpha for the game I'm developing (well the second alpha...but the first one was too buggy to even be called an alpha). Oh and I got my hair cut today...it is much shorter. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been this short in a good long time. There is leftover spaghetti sauce in the house fridge from last week. Chelsea told me that spaghetti sauce goes bad...which is news to me...but don't worry...this sauce is fine. I need to buy a new AC adapter for my computer...right now I have my laptop set up in the kitchen as that is where the only good outlet is for plugging in my cord. But of course...I'm going to keep procrastinating on buying a new one until it's too late. Da well. I am thinking about buying a new bike. There is a good one at Art's Cyclery. Done.

*Jaiqu

state = thinking

I used to spend hours, days, and more thinking and musing to myself. I was introverted, keeping myself company. Whether this was the cause or result of my depression is irrelevant. I stumbled upon an old poem that I wrote and I couldn't help posting it here. So sorry, no links, but I do wish to be serious from time to time. And I'm thinking again. And when I think, I need to write. How much time do we spend purposefully avoiding thinking? Da.

"How is this waking dream?
What nightmarish days.
An abstraction of distraction,
Utmost simple craze.

And if I could sleep
Or wake instead,
I’d find this yesterday
Unshaken inside my head

But tomorrow never comes,
Nor yesterday depart.
What can I give Fate,
To soothe my silent heart?

I wallow in the past yet
Yesterday is as today,
A silent procession of this;
Eternal nocturnal hate.

Come death, or life, yes.
I have no choice in this.
But what comes, come
And lead me to my bliss.

If I could sleep
Or wake instead
I, in utmost certainty,
I would find life dead."

-silence

Praise God that He has freed me from the bondage of sin and given my life purpose. Done.

*Jaiqu

church = edifying

I was late to church this morning. Good thing God doesn't count Jesus Points (tm) because I would have lost at least three or five or maybe even as much as eleven. I discovered today, what I thought would never be true, that I actually enjoy reading genealogies...well, when you know the stories behind the people listed. Once upon a time, when I was first learning to program in Java, I created the RF game engine and was intent on creating a game out of a friend's unpublished book. Well, I never finished the game, but the engine was 99% complete. Anyway, I am still working on my next game engine and this time I will finish the game. I hope. Done.

*Jaiqu

show = lost

I've watched six episodes of Lost already today...which means I watched half of season four and probably would have watched the whole season in one day if I hadn't slept in from watching the end of season three last night. Helped my housemate set up his new HP touchscreen computer (with the evil Vista nonetheless). Can I be serious? I used to struggle with depression and wrote some pretty dark poems at the time. Praise God that He saved me from that. I started a tech blog with my friend Chris Gibson called Tech Progression. Hopefully it will be a good place for debate over the present future of technology. Anyway, here is one of my long lost poems that I refound on an old blogging site.

"My body presses forward as my mind pulls
away from the world calling, seeking
for my death, my absolute undoing
is what I only dare to resist, I flee
from the darkness that tries hard
to consume the fire I have long
brought up out of ashes
which is the darkness
of my soul."
-mersayochan

Poetry? Meh. Done.

*Jaiqu

legs = tired

I really shouldn't neglect exercise. It's why I don't own a car. Because I am extremely lazy and given the option not to exercise, I won't. So biking today for, essentially, the first time in two months was...uncomfortable. Cal Poly is very empty...especially the fourth floor. For your information, chaos theory is actually quite...mathematical. But I do enjoy exercise...I find it is a great way to clear one's mind and an equally great way to start the morning (humbug to all those people who say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day). I am thirsty right now. And tired. And I can't believe that Cave Story has 4 boss battles in a row without save or replenishment. Unbelievable. Anyway, I'm going to go seek out the nearest watering hole. Done.

*Jaiqu

next = bike

My brake cable broke on my bike...the back brake cable at that. I got a new brake cable but apparently something in the tubing is clogged up and I can't thread the new cable through. While I can still get around with only my front brake (and admittedly have been for a while) I suddenly have pounced on this as an excuse to be lazy. Just posted to In Spirit and Truth with notes from a Bible study I led earlier this summer. Check it out. I need to buy toenail clippers. But that means actually using my bike and its windy. Da well. Done.

*Jaiqu

today = resignation

So I finally broke down and reformatted my hard drive...twice. It's a struggle. I know my computer is an idol and a stumbling block but I feel so...idle...without it. And idleness is a great purveyor of idolatry. So it's a lose-lose situation. Currently listening to Pandora which is either great background music or a distraction to coherent thought. While plugging great web 2.0 sites, check out the greatest IM client ever. I was thinking yesterday that I should put up some of my old poetry on this blog...so look forward to it...or don't. If I ever get another creative streak I may create some new original content...but for now 'new content' means building a new game engine...a process that takes way too long. Though to let my loyal readers in on a secret...I have been hard at work to develop a new, hopefully cool looking, 2D-side-scrolling-but-so-much-more game engine...which may turn out to be a complete flop. So now that my computer is running will I be online more...writing nonsense at XX words/min? meh...we'll see. Done.

*Jaiqu

now = hmm

Today has been a contemplative day as I decided whether or not to reapply for a job at CreateSpace, the company I previously worked for. As my computer is currently out of commission and I am unwilling to exert effort to fix it, I am creating a new blog (why not?) in honor of What A Swell Blog. The title of this blog comes from some of my favorite (perhaps fictional) words such as mrarg (for expressing anger or frustration), mro (for expressing sadness or empathy) and...pants? I am a fan of parentheses and ellipses. I use both liberally but intentionally. I am known to tangent and to use nouns as verbs or verbs as nouns. I am a meticulous editor with an appreciation for breaking the rules (for example not using ellipses for their stated use). I code. Done.

*Jaiqu