Happy black valentines. I used to be outspokenly content in my singleness. This year I celebrated black valentines by helping put on a valentines day dinner for 86 people. Apparently I'm getting soft.
I find it interesting to understand how people perceive me, because I know how I perceive myself and how I think others perceive me...but I am sure that other's perception of me is different than I might intend. So just to explain myself a little. I don't focus much on my appearence because I never want anyone to like me just for how I look. The obsession with looks in today's culture makes me sick. I do appreciate beauty though, and I do dress up from time to time (though I don't think I will ever be comfortable in a tie). I like the color black and it so happens that many of my clothes are black. If anything, it is just a lasting remnant of the fact that I used to be depressed, nothing more. I used to be emotionally mute, in that I sought to suppress or hide much of my emotion. If I am ever not smiling, it is because I am stressed or tired or both (smiling may use less muscles than frowning, but doing neither is even less work). I used to be extremely non-physical, so if you're my friend and I avoid a hug...it's only because I'm not in the mood that day, not because I don't like you. I am easily annoyed by overly flirtatious women. I have never been good with speaking my mind when it comes to certain topics. If you think I am a jerk because I never complement you...I'm sorry, I don't complement anyone enough. When I do complement you though, I mean it. If I ask for your opinion, I want it (even if it doesn't seem like I heed it). If I ask you how life is, I am looking for a meaningful answer. I am notoriously horrible at keeping in touch with people, I still would love to talk to you, I am just too focused on whatever I am currently doing to remember to call you. If I forgot your birthday, it's only because I didn't have it written down somewhere convenient. I am constantly sarcastic, if you think I am making fun of you; I'm not. I do the same stupid things and make a fool of myself too. My laughter is just a recognition of our humanity. I would never insult someone point blank. I consider myself a trustworthy person and I disdain gossip. There are very few people on this earth to whom I am fully committed, who could ask anything from me for their good and I would instantly seek to grant them whatever they asked. I've probably never told you if you are on that list, but I bet you could figure it out if you thought about it. I love those who are my family in Christ. If I ever seem overbearing at all in my conversations about Christianity, it is only because I am zealous for your good.
So everyone; post a comment. Let this be a poll of sorts. Tell me your perception of me, candidly please; I have no use of lies or soft truths. I'm also interested to know who all reads my blog, so tell me how often you read my blog (and your name of course). Let my pride humble me. Done.
*Jaiqu
If you want to write a particulary scathing or especially personal response you can email me at mersayochan [at] gmail [dot] com instead.
I just realized that I often write my blog posts in second person. Just to be clear, I am not writing to just one person. Often when I write 'you' I am writing to all my friends and family.
