Monday, December 8, 2008

look = new

So I replaced my 'shmaybe interesting' list in the sidebar with my 'what Jaiqu reads' list. I keep up to date on all the blogs listed thanks to Google Reader. Don't use it? You must. It's quite fantastic. I'm in the library right now...just finished my take home final. It's really messy so I think I'm going to reprint it and copy my answers over to the new exam. Yay for free printing in the CSL. Do you use Skype? Call me then. [square brackets are the new parentheses.] Done.

*Jaiqu

Sunday, December 7, 2008

WikiDino = alive

WikiDino lives.  In other news; my hair is shorter again.  In other news; I am almost done with this quarter...just have to survive finals.  In other news; I am going insane.  In other news; I have been facebooking more often than usual...an unhealthy habit in the least.  In other news; OpenGL is more awesome than I originally thought.  In other news;...ok I think that's enough.  Done.

*Jaiqu

Saturday, November 29, 2008

opengl = mrarg

I'm currently working on adding an OpenGL compatibility mode to my game (because Java2D fails miserably at rendering lots of big polygons at once, and OpenGL pwns awestastically at rendering lots of big polygons at once).  I am also learning Lojban, a synthetic, theoretically unambigious, spoken language.  I can already say some simple things:

mi'e djeikus. [mEheh jAkoos]
My name is Jaiqu
OR
mi'e djuanatan. [mEheh jahnatan]
My name is Jonathan

mi nelci lo gerku [mE nelshE lo gerkoo]
I like dogs
OR
mi nelci le mi gerku [mE neshE leh mE gerkoo]
I like my dog

And that's what I did this giving of thanks day.  You?  Done.

*Jaiqu

Sunday, November 16, 2008

problem = pride

I woke up this morning terribly early (10am) and couldn't fall back asleep because my back was tweaked out and in severe pain.  As I was convicted, I got up and snagged my Bible from my shelf and sat up in bed to continue reading where I had left off the night before.  I read the following in Isaiah 46:3-4;

"Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,
And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
Who have been upheld by Me from birth,
Who have been carried from the womb:
Even to your old age, I am He,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you."

God is speaking to the people of Israel by the Holy Spirit through the prophet Isaiah.  He is reminding them that He created them and has sustained them so far.  Yet the nation of Israel was turning to idols for help.  Paul addresses the same thing in Galatians 3:3 when he asks the churches of Galatia; "Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?"  The LORD is stating the same thing through both Paul and Isaiah; we were created and have been begun (both physically and spiritually) by God's power and grace, yet in our pride we think to depend not on Him but on ourselves.

I am thoroughly convinced that there exists only one sin, pride, because it is the very expression of our abandonment of God to pursue our own means.  The Bible is full of examples of arrogant people who are humbled by the Most High God.  I am also convinced that you and I do not realize the full extent of our pride, of our sinfulness.  We do not yet fully believe that God both can and will provide for us.  Instead we still foolishly believe that we can provide for ourselves.  How foolish we are!  Jesus tells us in John 15:5 that "without Me you can do nothing."  Are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we can not see the plain truth of what He is saying here?  I am constantly faced with my pride and humbled by my sinfulness.  I pray that you will be too.

As you know from the book review I posted a while ago, my Dad wrote a book titled "If God Disappears."  I happened upon another review of my father's book and the reviewer's opinion sparked my interest so I starting reading through his other postings and came across a post entitled "We Are Not Controlled by the Spirit."  The following quote is from that post; "We are always given the freedom to judge and to control ourselves.  This could sound like self effort.  It is not.  But it is self governance and self determination.  When we choose to follow Christ, He gives us the ability to obey Him and will direct us in His plan for our lives.  But until we ask, He does not give it."

That is self effort.  The blog I mentioned is only an example, a sign, of all the people around the world who believe this same doctrine; that of self salvation.  Notice that his quote does not mention at all the power of God's grace or the work of Christ.  Instead it is focused inward, on his own abilities.   Indeed it is self reliance.  So many are deceived into believing that Jesus Christ is merely a tool.  How wrong they are!

Earlier in Isaiah he recounts the boastings of Sennacherib king of Assyria against Israel and against the Holy One of Israel.  He recounts God's rebuke of Sennacherib in 37:26-29;
 
"Did you not hear long ago
How I made it,
From ancient times that I formed it?
Now I have brought it to pass,
That you should be
For crushing fortified cities into heaps of ruins.
Therefore their inhabitants had little power;
They were dismayed and confounded;
They were as the grass of the field
And the green herb,
As the grass on the housetops
And grain blighted before it is grown.

"But I know your dwelling place,
Your going out and your coming in,
And your rage against Me.
Because your rage against Me and your tumult
Have come up to My ears,
Therefore I will put My hook in your nose
And My bridle in your lips,
And I will turn you back
By the way which you came."

This is just one passage that magnifies God's sovereignty.  He appointed the king of Assyria from ancient times (i.e. before the beginning of time) to destroy many wicked nations yet punished the king for his pride against the Almighty God.  God punished him because he did not comprehend that he was merely a tool.  Instead the king was so presumptuous as to think that he had the divine mandate to destroy Israel and that God was merely a tool to use and discard. 

Yet this is how so many people live.  They proclaim themselves to be Christians yet believe in the doctrine of self salvation.  They believe that their choice, and not God's choice, saved them.  They believe that by their own power they choose God, even though the Bible clearly says in Psalm 14:2-3 that;

"The Lord looks down from heaven upon the children of men,
To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.
They have all turned aside.
They have together become corrupt;
There is none who does good,
No, not one."

No one seeks God by their own choice, by their own power.  Jesus tells the Jews in John 6:44 that  "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day."  It is clear.  I am not saved because I chose God.  I am saved because God knew me intimately, chose me and then created me (Psalm 139).  God made me alive and drew me to himself.  I was once dead in my trespasses, I knew only sin.  Now I am alive and I glorify God because of my salvation.  My pride wants to have me believe that I contributed to my salvation, but the Bible is clear; God receives all the glory for my salvation.

My flesh tempts me toward 'self governance and self determination' but God directs me towards submission to Christ and dependence on Him for all things.  There is no room for my pride in that.  Instead I should be glorifying God in all things.  Fortunately God has promised that He will conform me to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29) so even in my failure, my prideful sin, I can praise God for I know that what He promises He will also accomplish.  I am unbearably prideful against God, yet God is full of mercy and grace.  I am still alive today because of the grace of God.  I am still alive today because God has sustained me every day of my life.  I am still alive today because God chose me before the foundation of the world to be His.  I will live on by the sustaining power of God's grace in my life until it is God's will that I return home to Him.  Praise God!

I add as a last word, to be clear and to not deceive, that we should strive to obey God, by God, as an act of worship toward God.  2 John 6 makes it clear that obeying God is done out of our love for God.  God gets glory both from our obedience and from correcting and forgiving us when we disobey.  But Paul repeatedly points out in the New Testament that we should not abuse our freedom in Christ.  Instead our salvation should motivate us toward a Christ centered life.  Done.

*Jaiqu

Friday, October 24, 2008

google = omnipotent?

So apparently Google already owns me.  There is a micro blogging service called Jaiku (pronounced correctly) which Google acquired.  Yes, I had to check to make sure they got the pronunciation correct; it's jA-koo.  Creepy.  I finished the beta version of the level editor for my game.  I hope to post a tutorial / feature brag in the "near future."  ETA: sometime.  Life keeps on moving forward.  Half way through the quarter...so what's that, an eighth?  Meh.  Constant tiredness degrades my mental state, but don't worry it's not depression just lack of sleep.  Finally talked to an advisor...and constantly considering a double major...though not really motivated enough to take on all that extra work.  Software Engineering is treating me well enough.  An internship or study-abroad in Germany is really tempting though...and as long as it doesn't cost a couple limbs I might actually do it next summer.  Or I could apply for an internship with Google...since they already own me.  Done.

*Jaiqu

Sunday, October 12, 2008

pb = reeses

I have sitting on my desk right now a moderately sized jar of creamy Reese's peanut butter.  It serves as great programming fuel (necessary for long stretches of homework).  Talked to my sister today (on the phone).  Always good to catch up with family...I am never good about keeping in contact with everyone.  People need to call me more often because I just forgot.  Da well.  This morning smelled like Christmas.  Yayz.  Still need to figure out when I will be available to visit P-town.  It's on my TODO list.  Homework is tying me down on the weekends, but I somehow seem to be staving off my inevitable drowning in work.  Done.

*Jaiqu

Saturday, October 4, 2008

mind = drifting

As the music streams into my head my mind sets off drifting.  Nowhere to go but refusing to stand still it settles deeper into the mire of my subconscious.  My body so tired, so worn that it no longer knows how to move just gives in to the rapid pulse of neurons.  I subside.

Confusion: Repeat

Sometimes all things fade
When you finally forget
Alone I can't be.

Dreams are to be held
Not higher, but beneath Him;
We are but nothing.

All water flows down,
But pure it will return hence;
All to flow again.

Where, to be what is;
Answers for questions unasked,
Ponder everything.

Can I find myself,
Where I found myself before…
Never truly lost.

~haikus from "A Drifter Mind" by mersayochan.  Done.

*Jaiqu