Happy black valentines. I used to be outspokenly content in my singleness. This year I celebrated black valentines by helping put on a valentines day dinner for 86 people. Apparently I'm getting soft.
I find it interesting to understand how people perceive me, because I know how I perceive myself and how I think others perceive me...but I am sure that other's perception of me is different than I might intend. So just to explain myself a little. I don't focus much on my appearence because I never want anyone to like me just for how I look. The obsession with looks in today's culture makes me sick. I do appreciate beauty though, and I do dress up from time to time (though I don't think I will ever be comfortable in a tie). I like the color black and it so happens that many of my clothes are black. If anything, it is just a lasting remnant of the fact that I used to be depressed, nothing more. I used to be emotionally mute, in that I sought to suppress or hide much of my emotion. If I am ever not smiling, it is because I am stressed or tired or both (smiling may use less muscles than frowning, but doing neither is even less work). I used to be extremely non-physical, so if you're my friend and I avoid a hug...it's only because I'm not in the mood that day, not because I don't like you. I am easily annoyed by overly flirtatious women. I have never been good with speaking my mind when it comes to certain topics. If you think I am a jerk because I never complement you...I'm sorry, I don't complement anyone enough. When I do complement you though, I mean it. If I ask for your opinion, I want it (even if it doesn't seem like I heed it). If I ask you how life is, I am looking for a meaningful answer. I am notoriously horrible at keeping in touch with people, I still would love to talk to you, I am just too focused on whatever I am currently doing to remember to call you. If I forgot your birthday, it's only because I didn't have it written down somewhere convenient. I am constantly sarcastic, if you think I am making fun of you; I'm not. I do the same stupid things and make a fool of myself too. My laughter is just a recognition of our humanity. I would never insult someone point blank. I consider myself a trustworthy person and I disdain gossip. There are very few people on this earth to whom I am fully committed, who could ask anything from me for their good and I would instantly seek to grant them whatever they asked. I've probably never told you if you are on that list, but I bet you could figure it out if you thought about it. I love those who are my family in Christ. If I ever seem overbearing at all in my conversations about Christianity, it is only because I am zealous for your good.
So everyone; post a comment. Let this be a poll of sorts. Tell me your perception of me, candidly please; I have no use of lies or soft truths. I'm also interested to know who all reads my blog, so tell me how often you read my blog (and your name of course). Let my pride humble me. Done.
*Jaiqu
If you want to write a particulary scathing or especially personal response you can email me at mersayochan [at] gmail [dot] com instead.
I just realized that I often write my blog posts in second person. Just to be clear, I am not writing to just one person. Often when I write 'you' I am writing to all my friends and family.
7 comments:
Well, Jon, since I am here, I'll leave a comment. I check for updates on (subscribe to) your blog, along with various other friend & family bloggers, several times a week - looking for new posts. I find your writing very intelligent and thought provoking and I feel that I'm getting to know you a little bit this way. Your love for the Lord and His truth is inspiring and makes me glad for you and happy for your parents. I know they are so proud of you.
Hi Jonathan--this post didn't have any surprises in it, so I must know you at least a little well. I'm a regular reader, as you know. I'm also thinking that my little family is on "the list." I think you're fun and funny and I don't care if you wear black all of the time. It's the nicest color around (ok, along with white). We are all really looking forward to seeing you in April! Love you lots!! (I don't mean to make you uncomfortable by telling you I love you; I just want those I love to know). You're on our "list" too, of course. Love, Elizabeth
I love you too Elizabeth. I don't say that enough to my family. But even though I don't say it often, I still mean it. I know you love me, and regardless of however shy I may previously have been about that, I don't care anymore (though if you called me more often I wouldn't have to just infer that you love me...haha). I can't wait to see you in April. God bless.
-Jonathan [*Jaiqu]
As a disclaimer, my explanations are just whatever was on my mind at the time I wrote the post, I am sure I have other nuances (like not telling my family that I love them often enough) that I didn't mention.
Hey, Jonathan, I just got back home last night and a few minutes ago used Google Reader (thanks to you!) to catch up on what you've posted. I'm planning to call you at noon today, knowing I'll probably just leave a message, but I'd love to jump on the webcam tonight and catch up further. I promised Ben and Anna that I would watch Madagascar 2 (spelling?) with them tonight, but I should be free after 9:00 or 9:30 p.m. I've missed you a lot lately and wish I had some excuse to come down to SLO before April. Maybe I should contact your college pastor again! I love you and thank God every day of my life for you...
Hugs,
Dad
So i've decided to address each of your comments from this blog post individually. Some of my responses will be merely for my as well as your entertainment and some are serious responses. Can you discern between the two?...
Your personality and character greatly proceed and outweigh anything you may neglect in upkeep. However i don't really perceive that you neglect upkeep...i mean anyone that takes more than one shower a day is not bad off at all...but you sure do clean up nicely (lack of comfort aside).
I used to hate the color black, I thought it was evil however as I have grown older I have come to appreciate it more and more. In fact it has become a large part of my wardrobe and one of my most favorite things to wear is jeans and a black t-shirt. So you are completely off the hook with the black thing. All I have to say is praise God you are no longer depressed!
I agree neither smiling nor frowning takes more work than doing nothing.
For goodness sake man!... Whether you feel like it or not make sure you give someone a hug at least once a day. You need to make sure you get a minimum of fourteen a day to avoid depression. I don't get my fourteen and it makes me kinda sad. One day someone will have to make up for a huge hug deficit. haha
I also am easily annoyed by overly flirtatious women. Especially when they happen to be my roommate ; ). haha.
As long as you can confront people on their sin you are good to go on the whole speaking your mind thing...well i guess in this case it would be speaking God's mind?...as long as it is backed by scripture. Some conversations just must be had no matter how badlt people want to avoid them.
Compliments! Hmmmm...
First opinion is free after that it fie dolla.
Sometimes life is pretty tough but i know that God works all things for good and that He has the best and the only plan for my life. Praise God!- here's my meaningful answer...sorry if i only say "it's good" or "it's okay" sometimes. It stems from years of being asked by people in our society how things are and not having hardly any of them wait around for your answer to the question. Despicable!
Really? You seem to keep in touch pretty well through facebook chat and AIM? haha
If you forget a birthday just wait three months and celebrate their next birthday nine months in advance. Nine months in the womb, right?
Often times it hurts my feelings when people are sarcastic towards/about me. That was to be taken as sarcasm. I can hold my own except when it's someone i really care about saying it and I am already a little insecure about how they feel about me.
It's good to recognize our humanity and to see the goofiness of it all. That may have sounded pretty dumb. I may not have gotten that whole concept.
You really might want to take up the whole insulting people point blank thing. It is fairly entertaining and it makes you feel so much better about your own problems. Just kidding it is important to be slow to listen and quick to speak. Or is it quick to listen and quick to speak? I mean slow to speak.
Trustworthiness is a very good quality to have and i think you have it. Gossip is something i also distain as well as struggle with...you must keep me accountable.
"There are very few people on this earth to whom I am fully committed, who could ask anything from me for their good and I would instantly seek to grant them whatever they asked. I've probably never told you if you are on that list, but I bet you could figure it out if you thought about it."...no comment?...actually that's another very good quality to have and I respect completely anyone who has it.
Your family in Christ loves you too!
Continue to be zealous for sharing the truth. Do it in love but stand firmly in the word of God we need more people willing and able by sound doctrine to do this. And you have sound doctrine. Praise the Lord! When all you do is preach the truth it means that you know the truth rightly and that you truly care about the person you are sharing it with.
I just realized that I often write my blog posts in second person. Just to be clear, I am not writing to just one person. Often when I write 'you' I am writing to all my friends and family.
Ha Ha. I was reviewing some of my answers and somehow i made it a lot about myself. Oops. I'm really not that full of myself i was just trying to go for laughs, but on a serious note and to answer your question to everyone who reads your blog I think that you are an awesome friend. Your love for the Lord is inspiring and encouraging. Keep growing in His ways and serving Him and seeking Him first. God bless you brother.
Chelsea
Oh and I would read your blog more if you wrote on it more. Just kidding. But seriously, but i do understand a lot of school work and God is more important than writing on your blog in your free time.
Jon, I felt like I understood your posting, but I also think you have always been a bit of a mystery since there is a whole other universe in your head. :) But I hope you knpw that we think you are a fabulous person, and we are proud of the man you have become (are becoming!). (Not that you have to perform to make us proud).
Lately I've respected that you haven't wanted to be very expressive, but I didn't doubt your love.(But you were such an affectionate and cuddly boy!)
Dad and I appreciate that you tmake it a priority to keep in touch with us and let us be part of your life. I'm sorry that depression has plagued you (not an unusual experience for a human being). (Was so-and-so more right than we realized--or just couldn't handle it?). Sometimes you present as being very sure of yourself and very happy go lucky. We all carry a sadness underneath at times, don't we? At some point, I would like to hear "more of the story," what experiences shaped you in this way and how you perceive the way you were parented (it's not too late for me to learn).
The biggest thing I used to worry about as you were growing up is that you were more like me than Dad when it came to being easily intimidated and not being free to speak your mind (I know, I know, people don't think that's true of me, but it is--I might speak my mind, but I can being easily shut down). What's great is that you are free to speak God's truth. And I just pray that the Lord will build your confidence in who you are in Him.
I'm glad you're not obsessed with looks--but that you are willing to make it easy on other people's eyes. ;)
I'll write more later--after I chew on more of your comments. I often would like to know how others see me--particularly if I inadvertently offend them. Or irritate them. I've never been brave enough to ask.
I will respond more in depth later, but I thought you would be interested to know...
Nina was more right than even she realized...
I guess I was too good at hiding it...
-Jonathan [*Jaiqu]
My name is mersayochan because I am always changing. Praise God because He has predestined to conform us to the image of His Son.
Post a Comment